TWISTED FANTASIES

MY FUTURE AS A WRITER AND WHERE I'VE BEEN

I've been wasting time over at Postcards from Yo Momma and laughing until I almost pee myself.

Here's my fave momma daughter exchange thus far:

me: Ma, wanted to pass along birthday wishes to our darling puppy. You could never tell she was 56. What's her secret?

mom:I conveyed your greetings to my daughter, the bitch, and she seems pleased.

Here are some of her secrets

Just 2 cups of little pellets of  food at 5 pm daily. No snacks or eating after dinner.     

Fresh water at all times

Natural living such as outdoor bathrooming.

Oh yes, and  an uninhibited libido, such as sniffing and licking other dogs' genitalia

Please feel free to emulate any of her habits.

Mambo

May I be as eloquent and entertaining when my daughter is an adult.

As for what I've been up to lately, nothing. The babeola, she is not sleeping and we are having nursing problems so it's been a busy week to be a momma. Hopefully things will stabilize soon.

Only to get worse again, I'm sure. The pediatrician even warned me the sleep thing is about to go down the tubes again.

The ped also advised that my daughter is a giantess. Already as tall as a one year old and as heavy as one...at six months. Yowza. She'll be six feet tall before she's three!

She's just like a little sumo wrestler only she doesn't sleep like they do.

Peace.

I AM NOW RICH AND FAMOUS

My article came out and can be found here.

My mother told me she 'laughed so hard' when she read it. Not sure what that endorsement means as she didn't elaborate, but at least you have the potential for a good laugh.

Other than that,  I solemnly swear to work on the blurb that needs to be finished before I can resub my novel to other markets. That and another recipe article.

For some reason, the blurb is giving me fits. Sleep deprivation has dulled my brain and I can't think in pithy catch phrases any more.

However, I do have a new laptop and am now mobile again. So I can shush the little one to sleep and type at the same time. Hopefully this will improve my productivity.

SOLD AND SUBBED

As it turns out I did sell that non-fiction piece. It should be up next week, I'll post a link when it's live.

I also sent out a short fiction submission. Man was it hard to find a market. Things are drying up. Lots of zines are on hiatus or overstocked or belly up. So disheartening.

The two subs I mentioned last time are still pending, but the should go out tomorrow as it's May 1st and that's when the reading period opens.

Also, I've posted the journal I kept regarding my first manuscript. It's to the left in the sidebar under pages.

Peace.

FEELING ACCOMPLISHED

I have two submissions lined up and ready to go. Just waiting on a reading period to open up and to finish a blurb in order to complete a submission packet.

Hmm, for so much work this makes for a short blog post.

LOTS OF GOOD WRITING LINKS

There's a lot going on in the writing blog-o-sphere. So much so,  why waste my fingers creating a post when so many others have said it better?

Smart Bitches, Trashy Novels has an excerpt of an interview with Harlan Ellison up. Quite interesting. He's right.

Jordan Summers has some good advice for new writers.

And she also has a great recap of her visit to New York and what publishers want.

How a writer finds his groove and launches a career--very much supports the snowball theory that a career is built bit by bit until it's big enough to roll forward on its own.

QUICKIE

I did get a bite on one of the freelance pieces I did while on maternity leave. The editor wanted to know if the piece was still available.

Don't know if I sold it, but at least it's good enough to be under consideration.

The part-time working thing ends next week and I should be able to write a little bit. It's just difficult to find any time between working and parenting.

PATHETIC

So, it turns out you can't really mother an infant, work (even if it's part-time), and write.

Well, I suppose one could write if one were willing to forgo clean clothes, showers, food, sleep, and clean dishes. And you didn't mind leaving your little one in the same diaper all day.

But since maggots, mold, and chipping off diapers with a chisel are the unattractive results of such an approach, finding time to write is like getting Osama Bin Laden to come to Jesus.

I find the lack of writing time really, really annoying. Fingernails on chalkboard irritating. It itches like bugs crawling under my skin.

I have the first line of a YA novel ready to go.

"Getting arrested wasn't part of the plan."

The whole scene is dancing merrily in my brain begging to be poured out onto paper and threatening to collapse into dust if I wait to long.

Soon. Soon. Soon.

My working at the job I quit stupidity should end this month and perhaps then I will finally have some time to write.

AT LEAST I WROTE SOMETHING

I am tired, I am weary,
Nights with you make me leery

For you, my darling daughter sweet,
Are morally opposed to sleep

To this position, I must give opposition,
But every debate you thwart my mission

No matter how hard I try,
There is no defense against your cries

I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING EXCEPT TIME

Hmm. What's this? A free minute. Wow.  I should blog.

About what?

Urp.

Um.

Yeah, nothing hot happening over here.

I think I'm going to try and make that white chocolate banana bread pudding ( from the Gospel brunch blogged below) sometime.

But for Easter, I'm making  bunny sugar cookies with jelly bean eyes just like my grandma did.

I exercised yesterday. 30 minutes on the elliptical and then ran the stairs in my house ten times (which equals 130 steps).

The baby, she is cute (of course!). We went to our first  library story time today and sang songs and learned nusery rhymes. She was somewhat discombobulated by the whole thing.

We are also learning baby sign language. Interesting to see how the way she moves her fingers has changed since we started signing (and singing) the ABC song.

Every nook and cranny of my life is full. We are happy, but not necessarily good blogging material.

Peace.

I REALLY SHOULD BE DOING LAUNDRY AND COOKING

Ah what a busy weekend. Saturday I spent the day on strike. Well, as much as a breastfeeding momma can strike, which isn't much.

But I was just pooped and needing to spend some time with the covers over my head pretending to not be me. My husband took the baby so I could have an extra hour of sleep after which I spent most of the day on the couch doing a perfect imitation of a bleary-eyed lump.

Fortunately, I regrouped and the rest of the day was lovely. Although I can't actually remember what we did. Damn those breastfeeding hormones and sleep deprivation. My brain has more rot than a zombie.

Anyway, the point is, I did nothing I had planned on. No writing. No chores. Not exactly a productive Saturday.

Today we went to a gospel brunch where I indulged in the joys of white chocolate and banana bread pudding liberally topped with creme anglaise. The baby was just adorable in a navy sailor outfit with little freshly hatched chicks embroidered throughout. She was also in good spirits and suffered the incredibly loud music in stride.

I enjoyed myself as did my husband and the baby, who was entranced. I took to heart the concert's message of being grateful for each day and the blessings therein.

So no writing and I'm trying not to feel guilty. My life is so full these days that something has to get short shrift. Some days it's the writing, other days it's the laundry, and others yet all the balls get dropped.

However, tomorrow I really need to do the laundry and some cooking and cleaning and organizing and sigh...